Merry Christmas

Hope you all had a great Christmas, whether or not you celebrate it as a Christian. I spent my Christmas with my family at my sister's place. It was nice, albeit brief. I met a new cousin - rather, the son of my cousin, making him a first cousin once removed. He's 5 months old and just as sweet as can be. My youngest nephew at 15 months was being fussy all weekend. We couldn't figure it out. He wouldn't warm up to anyone other than his parents & grandparents. It was weird seeing my parents without the child on their hip or running after them. hehe. I did have a conversation with my ex on Friday as he was waiting to board his plane to head over to his family in California. We still talk on occasion, though it's usually weeks at a time before it happens. I'm happy to hear that he's doing well, passed these exams that he needed to pass in order to do his financial services thing on Wall Street. I wonder if I'm projecting, but sometimes I feel like there is something going unsaid when we speak. Granted, it's not often that we speak. But when we do, there is always a tenderness in our voices (or so I perceive). I know that I care for his general well-being and happiness. I know that he is the same way. We have shared a lot, and there was a lot of intensity between us. I sincerely think that we have had the best times of our lives while together, and I think he'd agree. So what's the problem? I can't make him fully happy, and I wonder if he could do that for me. People ask why we aren't together, and I explain that we wanted different things. I still believe that's true. You can't go on in a relationship when you want different things from each other, even when there is so much time spent together between us. I can't change who I am; frivolous things that are easily changed are not part of me. The stubborn things that won't change are the true pieces of me. You either have to like or be able to live with all the pieces, or look for a new bag of pieces. I cut him loose to find a new bag. I don't regret the decision. So what's going unsaid? Probably that I still love him - but more as a human being, and my greatest friend... That sometimes I miss him, and not just the concept of him... and that sometimes I miss his tenderness. In truth, it's probably mostly the tenderness - something that the softness of his voice triggers in my brain that reminds me of everything good about us. And together, we were very good. I'm probably just projecting.