Remnants and Jeanne

So I have to thank God for the remnants of Hurricane Jeanne. It got tonight's soccer game canceled. My quads are singing praise already! Today was not as interesting as yesterday. There are a couple of fires to put out - and some of them from this person that recently quit. I don't think she's incompetent, but she took no real ownership of the cases she was assigned and it's sad because I don't want to remember her negatively, but I am not getting much choice here. And now for the silliness of life... This is my last entry on the next particular topic because I'm not dwelling on it. Apparently the alleged friend is "tired of being nice." That's fine. After some blowup recently because of some topic where she doesn't understand my logic, she says she's "tired of my negativity" and I am one of those people that "just don't get it." Well, she didn't say this TO me but via her blog because she knows I will read it (and obviously I have). In the end, it appears that my last assessment (not voiced here) is correct: we were likely better off just being friendly acquaintances. We've known each other for ten years, and the lion's share of that was merely in passing, only seeing each other socially once every now and then. It wasn't until this past year that we have made any real effort to get to know each other. We were internet friends that played a game together a decade ago, and we were long distance. On the game, we ran in similar circles, but were never "best friends" joined at the hip. I never really knew anything about her background, her family life and its turmoil, any of that. There is lots that I don't know, and I'm fine with that, especially considering the current situation. I am fine with it because people will share pieces of themselves when they are ready, and not before then. I mentioned earlier that we have different backgrounds. Mine is very different from hers. While her folks may have tried to raise her in a religious setting, my religious understanding and convictions actually stuck with me. She's been more of a rebel, and I've always been more of a good kid. And this rebel/good kid dichotomy is at the heart of Sunday's impasse. Anyway, I had liked the fact that we could just accept each other as we were, without trying to change the other. Or so I thought. The whole thing makes me wonder how well she truly knows me? I'm sure she thinks that she knows me pretty well, and to some degree she does. But what does she really know about the stuff that makes me into me? The stuff that might give her insight into why I think or react the way I do? I feel pretty confident that it's not a whole hell of a lot. The same way I don't know that much. I suppose we had just taken the Sex and the City approach to it all - you never saw their families. But they as friends became family. So much for that... I don't presume to think that I know it all about her because you never know when she will surprise you. Like this weekend's nasty surprise... I had preferred to just accept her as she is, understanding that any change she makes is going to be one that SHE wants to make. I'm not in the business of changing people on the fundamental level. Only God does that. I just let her live her life, and whatever she takes away from what I have to give is just a bonus. She thinks that I am so stuck on being right. And she has to be right that I'm stuck on being right. Ironic, eh? The truth is that there is no real right or wrong issue on the stuff she got upset over. What I was trying to do was explain to her why I got to where I was, the logic behind what she doesn't understand. Correction - that she refuses to take in, because *I* am the one allegedly busy trying to be right. From there, with full information, she would have been able to point out to me my mistakes and change my mind if I was wrong about something. But she's not interested in reaching me using the way I parse information. I must change levels and talk to her - but then my position won't ever make sense. So I am left with a Hobson's choice - relent and tell her what she wants to hear or fight uphill to make her understand me a little better. So there is no winning for either side because we are not "fighting" on the same level. The devil really is in the details. She's just more comfortable calling me a hypocrite than understanding how I put it all together and changing my mind that way. That's fine. Being more comfortable is her style anyway. The fact that she took a job that was far outside her normal comfortable commute time is an act of God, and a blessing. I hope she'll do what it takes to take advantage of it and progress. Maybe we are just victims of being too much alike - we are both pretty blunt about how we feel. Sometimes, though, we wish for a little more sensitivity. It's not as though she never she asked her brother to relent in his viciousness to speak to her with respect. Her brother told her that he didn't like the way she talked to her friends. I bet he would have felt justified on Sunday night if he was privy to the conversation. He can be a real prick, and I hate it when he's right. But he's not totally wrong, he's just a real asshole in the delivery. Like my own sister - she is not totally wrong about me, but I have issues that transcend her message and the way it was delivered - and hers was actually meant to be more loving. Whatever. I haven't ever wished anything bad on that girl, and I'm not going to start doing it now. I had written her name on the unfinished floor of the sanctuary of my church - among special people in my life that I pray for. I don't regret that. I am not sure that she is feeling the same in return, but whatever. Life will continue to kick us both in the ass no matter what happens so if she's wishing something bad to happen to me, I'm sure she'll get her wish many times over. 10 years down the drain over something stupid - incredible. I would have thought that it could have been handled much better than that. I certainly didn't see it going that way, but then, it's not all about me. I guess supportive, loving friends - flaws and all - grow on trees. So be it.