Epilogue

I don't feel very good about today. As much as I relished the idea of quitting, the actual execution of the act was difficult. I do not genuinely enjoy dispensing pain and displeasure, except when playing a competitive game where the object is to win. Even though my boss is a narcissistic asshole and lied his way through his pleas for me to stay, I could not help but feel a little piece of my heart breaking. Partly for him, partly for me, I guess - because I never imagined this turning out this way. I saw this place as one with potential, and had hopes that maybe I was getting in on the ground floor of something good. The place still has potential. But it will never reach what it can so long as he remains the kind of guy that he is. Period. He was completely blindsided. He begged me to stay. He said that he doesn't know if he can keep the firm open without me, because he relied on me so much. Truth? Maybe a bit, but it may have been just manipulation, the first thing to shoot out of his mouth. I know that it killed him, and to do it killed me a little bit. He was near tears, and to be truthful, so was I. I took absolutely no pleasure in resigning. It's generally not my style to quit. Leaving the Army 4 years ago was not the same; this is far more personal. But, truth is, I just can't stay. I'm glad that it's over. Now I can focus on wrapping up and getting out. I can expect a fucked up paycheck, I'm sure. He's just that kind of guy. Stuff like that is going to make parting much easier, because it shows me his character. I went out later with the other attorney and the new guy for happy hour. I am not the kind to drink to excess, and have never been drunk. Tonight I did want to get drunk, but I couldn't. I had to drive home. But I did drink more in one sitting than I have in years - 5 Yuenglings and a lemon drop. I came home in time to watch Rock Star:INXS. My favrite, Marty Casey, did a bang-up job with Pink Floyd, but somehow is ending up in the bottom 3?? Please, people, vote for Marty. Watch the performance at http://rockstar.msn.com and vote. Put stinkin' Jordis in the bottom 3 for once. Let's see if she can sing INXS' songs. With that, I'm done for tonight. I'm just emotionally wasted. Take care.