Why the married thing bugs me.

I posted this on CL, but I think it's worth reprinting before it evaporates into CL ether: "It's about intimacy - willful vulnerability and openness - mental, emotional, or physical. We all have intimacy at varying degrees with every single person in our lives. Commitment isn't purely physical intimacy, we all (should, and likely do) know that. It's a blend of all 3. The point is: creating a high level of intimacy of any kind and hiding it from your most intimate partner is a pretty effective way of sabotaging the intimacy you already have with that partner. If you aren't willing to be open, aren't willing to share... what does that say about your intimacy? " This was responding to a married male who thinks that he should allow himself to be tempted... that he shouldn't have to wear some invisible burqa because he's married. I think he's setting himself up for failure. I suppose I can control to a degree how much intimacy he creates with me. I mean, I can always vote with my feet if I feel he's crossing a line. But I don't want to draw him close to that line to begin with. Oh well.... dilemma still not solved. If I take the tack that I will trust him until he gives me a reason to not trust him, he will have already crossed the line by the time that dawns on me. Is this a big deal for me? No. But I wanted something deeper to talk about outside of work, and his email came in the box today.