Disconnecting

I have been pondering this for a while. Maybe I'm being a little hasty, but I think that I am going to find a new small group at my church. I love the girls I met, and they have been a real blessing to me. But there is some disconnect between me and one of the girls - I can't talk to her, it feels like talking to a 12-year-old sometimes. She's about to graduate from law school and is about 25, but her maturity level feels more like high school. She has had a tough youth, with an abusive father that thankfully is no longer in the picture. But she acts/sounds ditzy sometimes and the fact that she lives at home with her mom doesn't help. She hasn't put any effort into finding a job and assumes that she can get any job she wants because her mom knows people. She doesn't even really want to practice law. She gets mad that other people are stressing out about finding jobs and pressuring her into doing so as well. In my opinion, she is extremely blessed to have a do-nothing option, but needs to get off her ass and grow up a little. I've lived a sheltered life, but her - even more so! Talking to her is like talking to a brick. She is going to do what she wants, and that's fine... but at least show that you are listening to the people that care about you. Sometimes I can literally see my words go in one ear and out the other, or bounce off the thick layer of glaze over her eyes. I mean, why bother? I don't care so much what she does so long as her moves are carefully calculated like a mature adult. I don't expect her to take every piece of advice, but damn - I give it because I care. Don't let me feel like I'm wasting my time. Anyhow, I noticed some movements in the group. I feel like I am just blending, but not really getting a good chance to interact. I don't feel that I have been included in some of the social activities. Some of the girls are tighter with others, and while I have had good chances to bond with some of the girls, it's not the same. It is not on the same level. Something is just not right. Part of me thinks it's age, but really, I think it's the old soul in me. I am now the oldest, at 30. I have a good 4 years on the next-oldest gal. That is not a lot, but I am an old soul and it feels like a lot sometimes when I am with these gals. It's not like I am some kind of killjoy - I can party hard and can party longer than most of them. But there is just something missing. The bottom line is that I am going to leave this group because I feel that most of my connections are superficial. Sometimes I feel tight with them, but more often than not, I feel like I am an afterthought, or on the outside looking in. I'd be happy to meet with them on occasion should it ever dawn on them to invite me to something, but I think that I need a new group for my emotional and spiritual growth. Adding insult to injury, there have been some odd happenings lately at the house parties, with some folks crossing some lines. The hardheaded girl was one of them. She got very defensive at someone when they called her on it, and put up her brick wall. While most were contrite about it, she took it as an attack. I'm not down with that, I can't relate to that. I need more than that from this group. The group's official leader is my friend who just got engaged. She will be moving away in July, in preparation for her wedding in August (told you it was quick!). I think that once she leaves, I will leave. That will bring the group down to 6. I think that most of the remaining girls have really good synergy with each other, and they will be better equipped to support each other because they have deeper connections. I hope that we can all still hang out sometimes, as I like them and the guys that we have been socializing with. The only thing I fear is completely losing the connections I have now. Some connections are stronger than others, and I don't want to lose those. It may be the price I pay, but if it's not significant or sacred, why should I really worry? Some people are destined to walk this earth alone. I hope I am not one of them. Hopefully, I can find another group of fun women to fellowship with. And hopefully, they will be more mature on the whole. Wish me luck.