Better

Today was a little better. I went to Westchester County court this morning to observe a compliance conference. It's fairly structured up there, and I can appreciate it to a degree - there is a bit of an excessive anal nature about it, because if you want anything in writing, you will have to order a transcript. Doh! That sucks. Tomorrow I'm going back to the 3-ring circus that is Brooklyn to observe a preliminary conference. Should be interesting. I'm a little anxious to get started, because I'm sick of taking other people's work in pieces. I guess I want a bit of ownership, to have more control over my own schedule and to not have to depend on other people. A touch control freakish, eh? Yeah. I can handle the courts throwing deadlines at me, but I don't want shit from other people in the office. Really. I want ownership, I want control. It brings me peace of mind - or, at least, a measure of peace. And that peace is priceless. The real truth, though, is that I need to learn to let go. Life is not fair, and life is beyond my control. Why worry? God is in control - that's what I believe, so why do I worry? Easy answer: I am, after all, just human. But the whole thing about being a Christian is to subdue some of these human instincts and let go in order to let God handle things, to trust in his sovereignty and care. There are too many lessons to absorb at one time. Fortunately, God is patient.