Bustin' Up and Movin' On

Bustin' Up: I got an email from the doctoral guy, after I had called and emailed (which he blew off) explaining that things weren't going to work. He had it in mind to be more than activity partners and that the distance (because I don't live in the city) was going to make it too hard and he wasn't attracted enough to deal. I agree. I appreciated his honesty and maturity, and I wished him good luck. How hard was that? Probably harder for him than me, but I appreciate his integrity and courage. Movin' On: I settled the weirdness with the engineer. Something came over me like fog in the gloaming and I decided to end the seeming madness that I felt running in my head. I took the late train home again, not by design, but by happenstance. I didn't feel as nervous as I did the last time I saw him, and no clenching. Instead, I felt this weird calm backed by determination to make things straight. I wasn't going to continue sitting somewhere that I didn't want to sit just to avoid him. I was tired of that. I wasn't going to act like I don't know him. That's just not me. So when the train cleared out a good bit, a couple of stops before mine, I grew a pair and went up to sit next to his cabin. He wasn't looking and I caught him by surprise. We chatted a little bit - how's work, yadda yadda. He was friendly as ever. That made it easier. So it is now apparent, if it wasn't before (and I know it wasn't): no hard feelings. So what now? Now, if it happens that I take that train, I won't need to dread seeing him. I won't need to sit in a different car. I won't need to act like I don't know him. I won't need to turn up Franz Ferdinand, or anything else on Nanita. I can just be me. No games, just me. I don't expect to sit up there and chat away with him when I am on that train. I expect to let him do his job. It was the conversation that got us to where we were to begin with. However, if he asks me, I won't say no. I do like him, and I always will. And it certainly won't stop me from going out with other people... like I am on Thursday with the cute teacher! I reached back to see what I could do about that one. He was too cute to let go without meeting first to see what was there. He's a baseball junkie, and he has a nice voice - sounds like a positive, friendly guy. I like that. He's on my wavelength about the no sex thing, wanting to just go easy and be friends. Why not? For whatever reason, conversation died and he was debating "keeping" me too. Serendipity, anyone? I'm glad I didn't let the universe figure it out just yet. No matter how it turns out. Oh and as for Caramba, we did speak again. I like talking to him. I really do. In fact, I think I'm going to give him a call soon, as he's a fellow night owl like me. So no bust, not just yet. No time of death to be called yet. This process is exhausting, but anything good is worth working for. Peace.