(Just Like) Starting Over

It's time to spread our wings and fly Don't let another day go by, my love It'll be just like starting over Starting over... Apologies to the late John Lennon. I have decided to take that offer in New York. I'm both happy and scared about it. Before I start exposing my psyche, I have to tell you that my ex-boyfriend just called and I just told him that I'm going to accept the job in New York. He lives there now, and of course offered up a bunch of knowledge. How nice. While we are able to talk to each other and remain amicable, I didn't want to tell him about the move until I got there. I suppose I should have just held my tongue, but ... I just couldn't. He asked directly about my job situation, and I couldn't lie or omit the fact that I'm changing jobs. This is a host of issues in and of itself, and I'll save any further discussion for another post. Now on to my exposition. I'm happy because I will be free of the poisonous environment that is my current firm. I'm happy because I am making a step outside my comfort zone and am going to get a solid opportunity to hone my craft - I will receive training and will have opportunities to excel in the state to which I am admitted. I am happy to be moving to a more exciting city that is diverse and full of personal and professional opportunities. I'm scared because I don't want to fail. I have high standards for myself, and I know my weaknesses. Maybe I'm just relentless in my own self-criticism why I am so worried about my performance. I've always been able to adapt and survive. It's just that starting over makes me a little nervous. I used to live in New York as a child, and even though my parents eventually moved us to New Jersey, we were still very connected to New York. Living there as a child and living there as an adult, however, are two different things. It's not so much the safety issue, but the thought of rebuilding my life - it's hard, and my soul is grating against the change. God just whispered to me that this is yet another point where the rubber meets the road in my faith. God isn't giving me anything I can't handle, and he's certainly gifted me with many talents. I need to relax and trust him. Perhaps this is the biggest lesson to learn, and why I must go to New York. I guess I am a little bit of a control freak, and it's starting to show. Even though I am in control of the situation, I don't feel that I truly have control over everything. And even though I am somewhat flexible and spontaneous, I am a person that likes to plan out the big things in life. Big trips, big moves, career choices... these things are not to be taken lightly or done on a whim. Heck, I have spent more time shopping for computers than I have contemplating this job change! That's probably what is making me nervous. That, and figuring out the right pretext under which to tell my boss. Theoretically, I could give him the big F-U. ;) That might be fun, but Karma is a bitch and she bites hard! So I'll refrain from doing that... One of the guys I've been talking to said that he thinks things are lining up for me. I think he's right, more right than he knows. I may explain that a little more at a later time. I have a hunch that something is going to come to fruition on Friday that will make it a lot easier for me to give my notice. I'll tell you if that's the case later on. So this is it, DC? Basically, eh. Four years and a li'l bit have brought me some of my greatest highs, some of my greatest lows, some great friends, some not-so-great people, some great pictures, some great times... and through it all, a little perspective. In the words of the great Captain Picard: "Make it so." Edited Postscript: In researching the links needed for a later post, I came across a funny site that I linked to before. And this parting shot on this closed blog is perfect.