Echoes

Here I am again, blogging instead of cleaning/packing. I'm such an addict. Someone needs to start Bloggers' Anonymous. Seriously. Today, I have made great progress toward finishing up with the apartment. I sold my bedroom set, finally. It's large: a mirrored headboard with wings, and a vanity that has a very large mirror. It also had two matching night tables. It was well-kept, with only a few minor scratches in the dark cherry finish after almost 8 years and a couple of moves. It's beautiful... and now, no longer mine. I kind of miss it. I also managed to get rid of my area rugs and a bunch of decorative flowers. I gave those away. I'm working on getting rid of the computer desk. A guy is coming over tonight to look at it. If he can't use it, he will help an old lady out who needs a desk. Sweet. It's amazing, now that the furniture is mostly gone, how empty this place really feels. I walk through the apartment and I hear echoes. If I sing, my voice bounces off the walls and the floors. Even the slightest of whispers carry, and come back to me as soon as they escape my lips. How eerie. This is very real! It is finally starting to feel real - I'm leaving DC! My fridge is almost empty. Granted, it has been that way for a while now. But I'm also busy cooking the last packet of chicken that was in my freezer. It's just chicken breast, but I'm roasting it. It'll be tasty, too - I seasoned it up with a few spices and then am cooking it with a chinese black bean sauce. Boo-freakin'-yaaa. I called a friend of mine and she and her boyfriend will be bringing some frozen veggies. I'm going to steam some rice and make some beans - I have some lentils and some navy beans. She's willing to hold on to my two footlockers that I've had with me since undergrad. Awesome. I hope to not have to do that, but I'm glad it's available. There really isn't much left here. I'm still working on getting rid of the living room tables - damn, how many people have flaked out on me with that? I have someone coming tomorrow to pick up my couch. It's all coming together, and the enormity of it leaves me without many words. I'm in a strange fugue state, mentally - I know this is happening, stuff is happening, and I'm articulating what's going on... but I prefer to put it all out of my mind. In some way, I am retreating inside myself to deal with it all but not really - I am here, reaching out in writing to sort things out. It's a weird way of pulling myself up by the bootstraps. Not much of myself really resonates in here, though. Not anymore, anyway. It's only been 4 years. Yeah, I went through law school here, but law school doesn't define my life. I also broke things off with the ex while living here, but I've moved on. Mentally, I'm homeless. Maybe it's because I moved so much when I was younger... I don't have a sense of home, and this apartment certainly wasn't it. But DC in general, though... I do feel those roots sticking me in my feet as I'm trying to leave. It's for a good cause, DC, really. I will say this, though: even though I am leaving you now, you will still resonate in the recesses of my heart. I felt you even as I drove through Times Square last night, marveling at its beauty after dark. You still whispered to me, beckoning me to return. But life is about moving forward, not back. And should I come back here to live, it will be for another forward step. And we'll both be happier that way.