Day 1
Okay, so in the last 24 or so hours, I got far more responses than I thought I would. It's amazing what comes into your box when you indicate that you are trying to open your mind a little. Some of these guys are delusional. One guy wrote that he's cute, but when I saw the picture, I had to wonder: to whom? Father Time was an abusive dad to this dude! I just couldn't see myself going out with him. I had to tell him sorry. Another guy writes "Kisses!" and gives his phone number with a huge green-lit face shot of a craggly old man. WTF!! I'm sorry, but I'm 31 and look 26-27. You look like you could be my father's uncle's age. No. Fucking. Way. A lot of these guys are bald. Farg. But I'll give it a shot... So far, the teacher is right up my alley - cute, dark features, nice smile, friendly. Read the ad and liked my approach. He's downright yummy. Another guy - half Asian, half white. Sideburns are a little long, but he's not bad looking. Another guy - blonde, musician, dead email. WTF? Yet another, blonde, with some pretty girl in the picture. Hope she's your sister, buddy! The ones that kill me are the guys that don't say SHIT and expect you to write back. This guy took an attitude when I told him I couldn't handle one-liners. Thought I was arrogant. Hey, I'm not the one that expects someone to fall over herself to write when all you put down is "25 M Westchester." And of course, the obvious cut-and-paste ones... did you even read my ad? How am I to know that you are aware of the no sex clause? I stooped and said hi anyway to this one dude, but I made it known that I am not stupid and could see the cut and paste. He got defensive. Damn, want some cheese with that whine? I told him that I don't want to feel like a number, so he should at least not make it obvious. Why is this shit so hard to figure out? I mean, I know it's a numbers game, but I'm trying to take the time to respond to everyone one way or the other and am trying to have an open mind. But damn, how many faux pas (how do you pluralize that?) can a girl take? So I'm seeking your advice now. Should I bother responding to people who have no convincing command of the English language, who give me the Internet equivalent of a grunt, or "Me Tarzan. You Jane."? I'm so not inclined to write, but I'm trying to be a little bigger than that.
posted by Siryn at
2/23/2006 12:20:00 AM
10 Comments:
I don't think you're obliged, even in the politest society, to respond with any more words than they exerted themselves to send to you.
By
ninjapoodles, at 2/23/2006 04:21:00 AM
Belinda's right - if you take the stance that you are going to reply, then everyone has your email, even if it's your fake address. I did this the last time I did CL, and I had one lawyer freak who sent me an email every day, "Let's just get a cup of coffee." I hate that sentence. F-you and F your coffee.
Anyway, I think a lot of the girls on CL are fake fake fake. So the guys canvass for the real ones. Most replies from women are "Here, check out my website and have your Credit Card handy!" You might have to cut just a little slack with CL.
But hey - the half Asian/half white dude...think of what your kids will look like! Each child will be playing russian roulette on how it will come out.
Ok, that was bad. You know I don't mean no stinkin' harm.
By
Melissa, at 2/23/2006 07:09:00 AM
When I tried match about 6 months ago, I felt like I should reply to everyone who wrote to me or winked at me, even if I wasn't interested.
I felt bad about not replying to people who wrote to me. My friend "Kentucky", who uses match a lot (and she has some interesting stories)assured me that you needn't reply to every one and that guilt you feel about ignoring people with whom you have nothing in common or who write 2 sentence emails, goes away really quick.
If it's a thoughtful email, I think it deserves a reply (even a "no thanks"), but a cut and paste or something like that doesn't deserve one. He probably won't even remember he sent it.
By
HomeImprovementNinja, at 2/23/2006 10:12:00 AM
I don't know, Siryn...if it is about finding your match, I know he won't be a grunter or a cut and paste-er.
Don't feel guilt about not responding to the obviously wrong ones. Yes, it's a numbers game, but there's always the next posting if you need it.
I think 2 or 3 dates outta this one is better than one from a train, right?
By
playfulinnc, at 2/23/2006 12:26:00 PM
Thanks for the comments, everyone. I'm just trying not to be a snob about it. You're right, though, I think I'll skip the cut-and-pasters, because they probably won't remember anyway.
Truthfully, it's not about finding a match. I already know what I want in a match, but I am hoping it will just hit me if I put myself out there and just have some fun. This is more about having some fun and staying young in my head - just having a good time without being so serious all the freakin' time.
This is an exercise in lowering my "standards" and just being a little more social. But in lowering my standards, I have no intent to commit to someone that doesn't have certain key things.
By
Siryn, at 2/23/2006 01:01:00 PM
...like hair and teeth?
I say don't respond to anyone you don't want to.
By
Phil, at 2/23/2006 04:05:00 PM
I'm with Phil. And don't ever lower your standards. I'm doing match too, and if I get a cut-and-paster I sometimes respond and tell them to write something original and that indicates they've read my profile. If I get a wink from some guy I'd never, ever go out with -- even for 'just a cup of coffee', I don't reply. I think it just lets them keep their dignity. I've gotten a few of those 'no thanks' e-mails and it makes me feel like dogshit.
By
Anonymous, at 2/24/2006 07:37:00 AM
Hmm, don't discount the bald dudes. I get laid alot more with a bald head than I ever did when I had a full head of hair.
By
Dop T, at 2/24/2006 10:10:00 AM
The bald thing is generally not attractive to me, though there are some handsome bald men. I just haven't seen any come into my inbox!
Hair and age are two things I'm trying to relax about, though I swear, it's a struggle sometimes!
By
Siryn, at 2/24/2006 10:45:00 AM
Hey chicky,
My general rules for responding online:
If it's cut and paste... NEXT.
Don't even get me started on the Wanna F*ck ones...
But if it's a genuine or heartfelt response - the guy took the time to read and actually respond, I definately respond.. even if just to say thanks but no thanks. I've had a few thank for even responding and wishing me well.
Goodluck there, I've never had much luck with CL.
and i'm with you on the bald thing - but i have met some really nice looking guys with receding hair lines -and hey,it's not their fault:) give 'em a chance.. beats staying in on a fri/sat night:)
By
Bus Snob, at 2/24/2006 10:57:00 AM
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