Siryn's Song

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Siryn Interactive: Count the Flags!

Let's play a game. See how many red flags you can spot in this exchange! Let's start from the top:

From: Jean Claude Paul (This is probably a fake/club name, because it's too fruity to be true.) Subject: hi Hi there, So you're looking for a friend to hang out with? Or is that what you're really looking for? Let me see .... you're 31 and obviously you don't have a boyfriend. You're educated and nice, according to your ad but you're not looking for "the one"? What are you really looking for? Now what do you mean when you say you're nice? Also "mixed"? Mixed with what? You sound like you're new in the area; how long you've been in NY? Are you in NY? I am a white dude, smart, handsome, financially stable, 6' 4", 212 pounds, 36yrs old. I am not looking for just a friend so please clarify what you are looking for. Also, tell me where you live. Jean
So, despite some alarms starting to go off, I respond anyway. Trying to lighten up, right?
Thanks for writing. I think the best way to describe what I'm looking for is a low pressure relationship that is just fun and clean, but if the stars align correctly and that person happens to be the one, I'm game. If not, we can enjoy each other's company for a while. It's not a matter of playing games, it's looking for something that keeps us young in our heads that might lead to something more. If it's not right in the long term, it's not - but I'm not going to make the relationship heavy laden with expectations from the start. What does anyone mean when they say they're nice? Hopefully it means that they are compassionate and polite, or courteous at the very least. Are you nice? Mixed means I'm not white. It doesn't mean multiple white nationalities. Black and Asian. I'm relatively new here, 6 months. Came here for the job. I am in NY, work in midtown but live in Westchester.
Pay close attention now!
You sound like you're a realistic woman. Maybe we should meet and see what happens. You did mention something about sex in your ad, i did not quite get it. I think you said "no sex". What do you mean by that? I know you are realistic, so tell me, what kind of relationship are you gonna have without sex? Did you really mean that? I mean sex is not all, but let face it, sex is important in any relationship, right? I can't marry a woman before i know how she performs in bed. All men think the same, they just don't say it. I DO NOT believe in saving sex for marriage and i am not a religious guy. I have values but i got them from my parents, not my priest. Are you religious? Tell me, what do you do for a living? I am a landscape engineer working in several states and Canada. I was almost married once, since then I've stayed away from committed relationships but i may be getting ready to go back there. My office is in the city and i live in Harrison. I think black girls are hot but i have never been with one. Are you more black than Asian? Why don't you send me a photo of yourself? Maybe a couple of them. I will tell you more about me and my background, after i receive your photo. Got to go TTYL
Holy F. Help me come up with a good response! :)

posted by Siryn at 2/28/2006 11:15:00 PM

8 Comments:

  • Siryn-
    Where does a girl even BEGIN to answer that??

    My overall impression is, "don`t feed the monkey." That being said, I cannot resist offering a few (tongue in cheek) responses:

    Well, JP, in terms of sex, I agree that sex is very important. However, I developed my sexual ethics and standards from my years living with a pro-love tantric abstinance cult. I think that should make my m/o perfectly clear! ;)

    I`m glad to hear that you`ve avoided commitment all this time. Seriously-- in the interests of wanting an honest relationship, it`s good to know that you take things so lightly. Moreover, having been "almost married" tells me that you are the kind of man who is emotionally available, trust-worthy, and values women highly.

    I would love to send you pictures. I have several spread-eagled naked shots that I had my girlfriend take while we had a lingerie-sleepover (pillowfights too!). Unfortunately, my "attach" button is rejecting jpeg files. Darn! How about I send you a pair of my undies instead? Tell me where you live, and I`ll messenger them over now.

    In terms of being "mixed". I am exactly 47% black, and 58% asian. I realize this doesn`t add up to 100%, but that`s because I exceed your wildest expectations. Anyway, since you now know the precise breakdown of my racial components, a picture is no longer necessary. You know how we all look the same.

    So...anyway. I`m a lawyer. It`s no biggie, but I will of course need you to sign a waiver at the beginning of every future interaction we have. (Enclosed please find the relevant form-- make copies at your leisure and return to me as required.)

    So, call me,will ya? Big Stud. It`s ok if I call you that, right?

    Siryn-- I hope that`s helpful. :D

    By Blogger Jennifer Simon, Esq., at 3/01/2006 07:30:00 AM  

  • Holy crap!! Men like that exist? *shudder* That's possibly the worst, most shallow, ignorant attempt at a pick-up I've ever experienced. I feel dirty just having read it.


    "Jean Paul Claude Van Damne,

    Yes. I said no sex. I hope that wasn't too vague. I don't know how to be more clear, really.

    Landscape Engineering? That sounds thrilling. Do you own your own equipment?

    It's great that you think black girls are hot. In this time of racial division, it's good that you can look past someone's genes or heritage to the root of the issue: whether or not they make you erect.

    As far as "one more than the other," I'll just break it down for you: I am black from my sternum up, asian from there to my ankles, and black feet. Oh, and asian elbows - - that's been a dealbreaker with other landscape engineers I've dated in the past. Anyway, I don't know what the exact percentages are.

    I have enclosure pictures of black feet, asian belly-buttons, Will Smith and Mister Miyagi from the Karate Kid for you. Just pretend those last two are women. I hope that satisfies your curiousity.

    Good luck with your gardening!
    -Siryn

    By Blogger A Unique Alias, at 3/01/2006 10:58:00 AM  

  • Speechless really, I mean how DO you respond to that?!

    Holy Crap- Stay away- FAR AWAY!

    By Blogger Sharkbait, at 3/01/2006 12:48:00 PM  

  • Both Vespertine and Unique Alias have good ideas. I would consider a response along the lines of "perhaps we are looking for different things... I'm looking for more of an asexual thing and am allergic to pollen. Alas, your profession (mowing lawns) and electric sexuality would be too much for me."

    But seriously, why craigslist instead of nerve, or match, or something else?

    By Blogger Whisky-Freaking-Pants, at 3/01/2006 04:33:00 PM  

  • Jean-Claude could've just boiled it down to "so...we're gonna screw, right?"

    What kind of reply are you looking for?

    Sarcastic? Friendly, but let him know you're not interested?

    You could completely baffle him with "I have $33 million that I came upon that no one has claimed. Give me your bank account information....."

    Or the frightening "I have both male and female genitalia, so we can get it on any number of ways. You want top or bottom? (Don't worry. It doesn't mean you're gay unless you're on bottom)"?

    By Blogger Phil, at 3/01/2006 04:38:00 PM  

  • OMG I am so tempted to use all of your stuff, guys. Hilarious!! I am thisclose to using pieces of V's, AUA's, and Phil's $33M line...hee hee.

    I think I'm going to be more restrained, though. I still am speechless, and this is the first time in a long time that I cannot fathom the words to say!

    By Blogger Siryn, at 3/02/2006 01:08:00 AM  

  • I responded because it was only my intuition telling me something was up. He didn't explicitly say anything wrong, but something just set me on guard for what was coming next, and I didn't want to be paranoid although the feeling clearly was validated.

    By Blogger Siryn, at 3/02/2006 04:25:00 PM  

  • Personally I dont like the "you sound new in town" bit. Sounds like he is sizing you up for "would anyone miss you if you came up missing one day?" kinda thing.

    Your assumption to stop, drop and roll is a good one. Let him be and move on.

    By Blogger Dop T, at 3/02/2006 08:58:00 PM  

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